page 96, end of Chap 4

I've started to wondered away..
Thinking things that I felt sorry and angry of.


I felt sorry about my mother. She was angry and she started shouting and yelling......I felt bad. Yes, I do.
I can't blame her that she is finding a way to relieve her stress because of all the house chores and my brother and my dad...I did help with the house chores, not all of them but I do help her. My bones is just aching today like hell and I just don't feel like doing.


I am angry because of my brother and my dad. First, my brother. It is just a fork. Stop blaming mom for losing it after taking it when we were going on a trip to Ipoh and Cameron Highlands last week. You didn't even pay for that fork. Be nice to her and talk to her nicely. Even though she loves to nag. Just tolerate it ok? Second, my dad. Sometimes I just think that he is too much. I am not your maid, please. Even though you are the KING of the house, please bare in mind that I am your daughter. 


Angry at myself too...*sigh*...why am I so lazy????

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Just came back talking to my mom..
She is better now that just now.
I don't like my mom to feel sad but why I can't make her not to feel sad sometimes.
Okay..I don't know what am I talking about.


I have been thinking a lot these days. Sometimes  making me hard to fall asleep. My mind just can't seem to stop thinking. That's what makes a person alive right?? Sometimes writing a blog like this = talking to myself using my mind an heart without using my voice. I am just writing out what I am thinking and I am expressing it out using my words.


Want to know how I feel today??
I feel tired, happy, sad, angry.. I don't know how many feelings I had today but I basically have it all. Damn..why?


I feel myself easily wondered away with things that are sort of not important that is a waste of time that I shouldn't have think about it because it is unnecessary. Even HE said that I think too much. Well, I always think a lot and I can't stop it. That's what make me, feels me? I guess.....


and my blog starts to get longer and longer and longer again....


I wish that I can sleep peacefully tonight and not like today or yesterday ( its around midnight to dawn...I don't know???) I hope that the phone won't ring again early in the morning when I am the only person being awaken by it even though I am separated by a thick wall and not even the person sleeping in that room can hear it! Why??? 


Maybe it is because I never sleep well..and I am always aware about my surroundings. Maybe that is why my panda eyes never go away.


That is all for now I guess...For now..Ya....

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I saw this quote at the beginning of Chapter 5, pg 97


" Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?"
-Alfred, Lord Tennyson, "The Higher Pantheism"

What do you think about it?