Fear

I believe everyone has their own fears. Our lecturer asked us about it yesterday. One classmate mentioned that his fear was the fear of being blind. That was my fear too. Yes...I fear of becoming blind. Knowing that you may not be able to see beautiful things around you anymore. That's scary. I was once "blinded" by the injury 2 months ago. I couldn't open my eyes for the whole day or 2. I remember I have to "feel" my way out of my room to eat my lunch. It was scary, tiring and sad.

This morning, I woke up with a sharp pain in my eye and tears kept flowing down  non stop. NOT AGAIN >< I thought. shit. sigh. Those were the same symptoms I had when I was diagnosed by the doctor in the hospital. It's called cornea abrasion - injury that happens on the surface of the cornea. I was lucky as the file didn't pierce right through as the doctor said it was already a bad scratch. After taking a bathe in the morning, the pain stop. GOOD but not good enough. My vision of my right eye was blurry. The same thing that happened after the pain subsided 2 months ago, and that took me weeks to heal. I wonder how long will it take this time.

During class, I googled. and I found this.Apparently, this injury will recur. 

" Sometimes, long after an abrasion has healed, it can recur spontaneously. This recurrence can appear when you wake up in the morning. It happens when an area of the epithelium has not reconnected to the deeper parts of the cornea. "

 On the way back, I talked to my dad about it. He said I couldn't wear contact lens because I will get infected easily. I wonder : will my eye ever heal? or it will just have side effects until forever?

Just a thought. I don't want to be all negative.

So I went home and slept for 2 hours. Surprisingly, my vision came back a bit. Still having blur vision now though. So, it's the lack of sleep and dry eye I guess. "It wasn't your fault"

Yup. Assignments have been crazy lately, like I haven't stop at all. This weekend, even though my cousin and her family are coming over (yeah! I get to see my niece and nephews), but I really have tons of stuff to get down. So let me try and list it out:

CCV Activity (edit video)

RTP LOL (storyboard)

following week:

IM website design?

er...Audience Studies ( Research Proposal ) grrrrr

RTP LOL (video shoot and video edit)

oh! and also Ethics (case study)

I'm screwed am I? haha

Did I mentioned that Im going to G-dragon's concert next week! haha! Im excited^^ so let's get some..not all lah..  done and I can enjoy! 

the feels

So
so.....
so..so ...so......

holiday started. yay? nah.

I feel screwed.

yes.

SCREWED.

the feels you know.

I
am
stressed.

That's why I'm writing like this.
S.T.R.E.S.S.E.D.

The weather is crazy. It can be hot and it will hit 36 or 37 degrees or so ..and then it will rain...and then the weather become hot again. WHY. MID YEAR. I don't like you. The only thing I like about mid year is because of my birthday and there is a holiday. But what is the point of the holiday if there is no holiday at all? If you know what I mean.

So. I think I need to head back to 1 of my 4 assignments that I need to get it done during the holidays.

GOSH. I need something cold.

Ever wondered?

Have u had those EVER WONDERED? questions in your head?
Ever wondered why humans existed?
Ever wondered why I fall in love with you or you falling in love with someone else?
or
Ever wondered why you always get hungry at the oddest hours?

Ya. We always have those questions and sometimes we do have an answer to it while sometimes we don't.
Things...just happened the way it should be.

What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.

That's life.

sour lemons and lemonade

When life gives us lemon, we make lemonade. Heard before? Ya..classic right?

I realized I haven't been updating my blog like I used to a year ago. Things changed and I just got lazier. haha

So for the past month, what happened?

Well, it's been a roller coaster ride, and life really gave me lemons. Somehow, Im glad the ride has ended for now. NOW.

On April 16 (happy birthday mummy), I hurt my eye. It was a careless accident. So I got a bad scratch on the cornea, the doctor called it cornea abrasion. And i wonder how i managed to hold it for so long before i went to see a doc at a clinic who then referred me to a specialist, which then I had to go to emergency for that. Imagine an eye lash in your eye and when wind blows in or when u start laughing, your eye starts to tear non stop, and it's so spicy. For the next 2 days, I had to see a specialist at the hospital itself, which he gave me 2 days MC. I haven't been on MC for a long time. At first, I hope I could go back to class but doc shoot me by saying,' you can't even see properly, you can't even walk properly, stay at home and rest your eye, I will give you MC." haha..Yes, that 2 days, I couldn't even open my eyes to the light, literally like a living zombie or a vampire, had to stay away from the sun. So I spent my 2 days of the afternoon at the room downstairs, where the curtains were the darkest I could find  with the coolest room I could sleep in. It was torture, you know those sticky stuff your eyes will have when you got infections and stuff, I had that too and it made my eyes close shut because it was so sticky. And every 3 hours when I have to open my eyes to put the antibiotic drop my doc gave me, accumulated tears flow down. And my vision? blur. and the condition kept going on for 2 weeks.  Couldn't see properly, couldn't read properly. And then only I realize how imp our eyes are to us.

Remember the game called operasi burung hantu which we used to play during secondary school? I didn't really fully understand the feeling of blind people until I hurt my eye.

After that incident, I really crawled into a hole. I lost confidence. I don't feel passionate in whatever I do anymore. a friend told me, it's because you feel insecure after what happened, not because you are lost. Maybe yes, because I really went into a slight depression, I don't know what I was doing anymore, I felt useless. Today, I might have find myself back a bit with those assignments, back to business..but my eye isn't. I still have a slight blurriness on my right eye. I hope one day I could have my perfect eye sight back. I really want it back.

Enough of that, I think most of you heard that story enough already.

OH YA!

I turned 21 over the weekend! of course Penny, who has the same birthday with me finally came! I missed you penny! It was just a small gathering with some karaoke and drinking after that. Im happy everyone turned up and everyone went home safe. Thanks to everyone who came! I really appreciated it!

Next day, the day itself, another friend brought me to Louisana Cafe at Plaza Kelana Jaya to have "all you can eat" spaghetti. It was awesome, and I had 2 plates! Yummy! I love the chicken carbonara. It was AWESOME! hehe

Thanks to everyone for making my birthday special. and thanks for the gifts too^^ I love it!

But that weekend wasn't all that nice since I had to finish my assignments over the weekend. It was a headache. Bt im glad its over ...for now. Here are some pictures for you guys to enjoy! ^^

Written May 9, 2013..didnt had the time to post it up until now ><

Just felt like writing something

It's been almost 3 months since I wrote a post on my blog.

By the way, holidays are ending soon for me. It ends this week...and by next week and the following 14 weeks...I will have to enjoy my uni life 6 days a week! Yeah? (at least it's better than sitting home all day doing nothing right?)

So...how am I recently?

I'm...fine! No doubt that this 3 months have been crazy...since I have been working in uni as a scholar and some stuffs went out of control...plus meeting new people..new friends...Well, it has been interesting...YET.

Small details? Well...I had a great Christmas...and then New Year...and then Chinese New Year.. We didn't go back to Johor this year to see my aunt..that's my only regret. 

I think this might be a long post..so you might want to close this tab if you are already getting bored ^^

Actually, I don't know what to write. And you might think, then why write? I just feel like speaking out...blogs used to be my place where I wrote my heart out, let it bitter or sweet. But I tried not to make it too bitter, scared that all of you might not take it, or maybe myself will not be able to take it also.

It's been some time that someone encouraged me to do something I like. I met this person recently, which is now a friend of mine ^^ Knowing that I liked video editing, and knowing that this friend just actually knew me, still encouraged me to pursue my interest. I'm not sure if that friend does the same thing to everyone else that my friend knew, but I glad that this friend encouraged me, and I found back my passion thanks to this friend. "You have the passion and skill. Pursue it. Don't let it lie within you. Share it with the world."

(Well, I did accept a job or 2 recently. Simple task job..building up my portfolio)

Remember that last year's Big Bang concert was actually my real first concert I've ever been to? My uni actually did hold a concert in conjunction for 1M4Youth! I get to see all my favorite Youtube Stars! Awesome! and there was Estelle and Taboo! And we partied like crazy! Honestly speaking? This was my second best concert I've ever been too!

Thinking back, memories are a bit blur for me right now. Sometimes, I feel that my memories are hiding somewhere, just that some part of me don't want to remember it, that's why some part might be missing. But the funny thing is, most of my memories that I remembered clearly are those that I don't really like. Subconscious mind..SHHHH!

haha

I think I should head to bed soon! even though I know I might not be able to sleep for the next 3 hours or so? Shouldn't have slept in the afternoon. Great..yea great! my body clock is a mess and class is starting next week (calender said so)

okay...good night everybody!

I guess...I grew up?

Things have been odd lately. I feel myself...is not myself? Like my previous post. People change..probably me? I grew up.

I'm single for more than a year now. I have never been single for that long. Can't remember though. Probably that long relationship I had with someone last time made me forget about a lot of things. They say love makes  you blind, I was indeed blind..

People get lonely at times, I do feel that too. But one thing good about being single is...you don't have to worry about that special someone, worrying that he might not love you, worrying that he might be angry at you or any of his feelings. Plus, you won't worry that the feeling will fade, cause there is none.

But liking someone is a privilege, a happiness, sometimes...it brings miserable, sadness and hatred too. Yes. hatred.

Feelings can be complicated.
Feelings can be simple too.
It's just how you look at it.
or.
how you feel about it.

Recently I could open up to him again.
laugh, smile, joke around? probably got open minded already? or probably i just don't want to care anymore. probably in my  mind would be. "Anything....It doesn't matter anyway"
and the fact I need to get my camera back. He just wasted 20 minutes of my free talk time talking on the phone.

One thing about getting used to things is. Once you start doing the same thing every day, it becomes a habit.
I DON'T LIKE IT.

Skipping to tomorrow's schedule. We are going on a journey to take photographs. Thanks to photography which I like to say ...I KINDA SUCK AT IT. yes yes...i admit. i really do suck at photography. someone must be laughing at me right now. he must be saying : PHOTOGRAPHY IS SO EASY. yup..easy to you..NOT ME.. continue laughing.. I know you read this..so LAUGH! haha..

Wish me luck! and hoping for a beautiful clear blue sky weather tomorrow please~~~~ Thank you!!!!!

Finally, I could breathe

It's been a CRAZY week. The stress came all at once. Terrifying. No. It's more like taking your life away from you. I don't know why but I feel like for the last 2 weeks, a lot of energy have been drained away from me. First, the food poisoning. It was awful. Second, the 2 assignments that have been killing me inside out. Third, that awful results that I never thought it would actually happen to all of us.

Anyway, it's all over. For now at least. Finals is coming in 3 weeks and I have anther assignment due - Photography. Hmm. All the best to me and all of us then?

Actually nothing special happened recently, so I guess that is the reason why I haven't been updating my blog as frequent as I do in the past. People change, I guess so do I. And I think I just changed into a person who doesn't like to blog as often as I do? Suddenly I remembered something from Merlin. Gauis asked him: what happened to the boy who first came in 2 years ago? Merlin: the boy changed, he grew up.

Speaking of growing up, it has been half a year since I became 20 years old. ( no more 1 in front..haha!><)
Yes, and I did grow up. and I came to know to that ..sometimes..reality are not what it seems. It may be perfect on the outside and pleasant to your eyes and ears, but the truth is, it never was. Lies.hatred. Betrayal. Reality is never perfect. Well, that is what I think for now.

So... Monday. hopefully I get to relax myself with the movies! Can't wait. Like I said to Michelle and Peng: I need CLOSURE! haha..don't laugh. it's the truth. I have been waiting to watch breaking dawn: part 2. Can't wait to see what the movie will be like after reading the book 2 years ago. And I don't like to miss out the ending.

I guess...that's all for now! Happy happy!^^